Brothers to Lovers
by tjrrr
Summary: Both Sam and Dean love each other more than brothers should, but they both are afraid of rejection from the other, but events happen and they are forced to admith their feelings but that nearly leads to their demise
1. Sammy's Fear of Rejection

Chapter 1: Sammy's Fear of Rejection

Dreams in _italics_

'_Dean, god you really do love me, don't you'_

'_Yes Sammy, until the end of time, I will never leave your side'_

'_I must be dreaming'_

'_Does this feel like your dreaming'_

_And with that Dean started to stroke Sam's cock_

'_Oh, god Dean don't stop'_

'_What makes you think I will ever stop'_

_And Dean stopped stroking Sam and started to suck his cock_

'_DEAN!!! Don't stop'_

_And within a matter of minutes Sam blew a load of cum all inside Dean's AWAITING MOUTH_

"Sammy?, Sammy, please wake up"

"What's up Dean?"

"You were moaning my name and thrashing about in your sleep"

At that Sam froze

"What were you dreaming about?" Dean Queried

Sam hung his head

"Dean, can we please not talk about it please?"

"Why not Sam, is there something you are not telling me?"

"Maybe there is Dean, but can we please leave it until morning."

"Okay, I suppose Sam, it can wait until morning"

"Thanks and night Dean."

"Yeah nite Sam."

'I am going to find out what is going on with you one way or another'

Next Morning

Sam got up earlier than dean, and decided to go and have a shower

'God, what have I gotten myself into this time, if he finds out he will disown me, beat me and hate me, or he may even leave me, that is the worst case scenario'

Then Sam decided that he needed relief from all of the pain that he was feeling within, then he saw the razor sitting there on the side of the sink.

'Sam, come on you know that Dean will never return your feelings, just do it, end it now'

Sam switched the water temp from warm to cold, and sat down in the shower and started to bawl his eyes out, feeling his world come crashing down around him.

'You're right, Sam admitted to himself feeling defeated, Dean would be much better off without me' and with that shocking revelation Sam made three slits on his wrists and just let it bleed out into the shower

Around that moment Dean started to stir and felt the need to take a piss

He walked in on Sam and was scared by the sight that he saw, and immediately turned off the cold water.

"Sam, what the hell were you thinking?"

"That you would be better off without me, I am a sick freak and I am going to hell, you can live a better life without me, please just let me die."

"Samuel Winchester! How can you even think that, I am nothing without you, and what makes you a sick freak?"

"I...I... I can't say it I am sorry Dean" Sam started sobbing hysterically

"Ssh Sammy, it is okay I could never think anything less of you, now come on lets go back to bed and warm you up, before you catch your death, but first please let me bandage your cuts, please Sammy"

"But Dean, I can't I don't deserve to live, because I am gay." Sam's sobbing intensified

"So you think that you are the only one who likes men, well I am too."

"Okay Dean, let's go"

'I know that something else is bothering you Sam and I am going to find out what'

After Dean finished bandaging Sam's cuts, and made sure that Sam knew how much he meant to Dean, and also how Dean is nothing without his brother, but at the same time not letting Sam know the full extent of how much he actually loved him

Noon

Both Sam and Dean started to stir

"Look Sam, I know that there is something that you are not telling me, now what is it?"

"Dean, I will tell you, but you will have to promise that you will not hurt me please?"

"Yes Sam, I promise not to hurt you."

"Dean, I love you"

"I love you too Sam."

"No Dean, I Love You."

"Oh you mean.."

"I am so sorry"

"I have to go out" Dean suddenly said

'What have I done.'

Sam went and had another 'shower' all cold water, crying and deciding what he should do next, the thought that popped into his mind was suicide, despite what Dean had told him earlier, Sam felt like he had nothing left whatsoever. With his decision made Sam got out of the shower and got one of the razor blades from the shower cabinet, and reopened the cuts he made on his wrist earlier on the day, and upon completion of the third cut passed out.

At the moment Dean came back into the motel room and upon hearing Sam falling down with a thud and rushed into the bathroom.

"SAM, please don't leave me, I love you too much." Dean was now crying uncontrollably

"Dean, what are you doing here, kicking me while I am down, but it won't change what I feel for you, I will love you forever and always, please Dean, don't dwell on my death, but know that I don't blame you in the slightest for what happened, I should have just kept these thoughts to myself."

"No, Sammy I need you more than you realise, please don't leave me"

While Sam was babbling on, Dean was bandaging up his cuts

"Ssh Sam, everything is going to be okay, I love you too."

"You are only saying that to keep me alive."

"No I am not and I am going to prove it to you."

"Nothing you can say or do c..."

Sam was cut off mid sentence when Dean kissed him hard

"You really do care about me don't you Dean, I am sorry that I doubted you."

"You should know that nothing could ever make me hate you."

"Okay, Dean lets go to bed, I am really tired after everything that had happened."

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight after everything that has happened?"

"Is it really a good idea, what if dad comes back early from his hunt?"

"Then we will deal with that when it comes, okay."

"In that case I take you up on your offer."

That evening

"Dean, wake up, you big gluts" Sam said concerned

"What is it Sam?" Dean asked worriedly

"Dean, you remember when I tried to kill myself earlier"

"Yeah" Dean asked increasingly worried

"When we were sleeping, something happened and they were reopened and they are bleeding everywhere."

"God, Sam what were you thinking when you done that to yourself"

"That you would be better off without me." Sam said obviously feeling extremely guilty

"Are you still tired, baby brother?"

"Not that much, I think that we should maybe get some food though considering that we haven't had anything to eat today, and it is tea time"

"Yeah, I suppose that you are right, what do you feel like?"

"I dunno, just something like a sandwich, is that okay for you?"

"Yeah sounds alright to me."

Later that night, during tea

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean?"

"What made you think that I would want you gone out of my life?"

"Well I mostly think that it was because of the fact that I thought that I was a sick twisted fuck, and that I hated myself"

"Okay, Sam I think that I am starting to understand it now."

"Dean, how would feel if I said that tonight I would like to 'make love' to you?"

"Are you sure, Sam? Have you ever been bottom, or for that matter with a guy?"

"No, Dean have you?" Sam asked feeling his cheeks reddening 'Well that is not really the truth, but Dean wouldn't believe me if I told him the truth.' Sam thought

"Yes, once." Now Dean was the one reddening

"Yes I think that I am ready I trust you."

"Later then, after tea."

While Dean, was not paying attention Sam got under the table and carefully unzipped Dean's jeans and released it from its confines

"Sam, what are you doooooooooooooing"

At that moment Sam took Dean's cock into his mouth

"God, Sammy keep going, like that and I won't last long" Dean moaned out throatily

Sam just kept on sucking and licking Dean like a lolly pop

"Sammmmmmmy, gonna come."

Dean was just about to come and he pulled Sam's head back to not choke him with his spunk

"Sammy that was just wow." Dean said breathlessly

"You are so fucking big, brother" Sam said through a hurt jaw

"Well don't you know it, baby brother" Dean replied

"You still up for some more late night fun, Deanie?"

"Sure, Sammy and don't you dare call me Deanie ever again, understand?"

"Yes, sir"

They just sat and watched television for the remainder of the night

"Sammy?"

"What, Dean?"

"Are you sure that you really want to do this, tonight anyway?"

"I really don't know anymore, how about I sleep on it, and I will tell you tomorrow"

"Okay, and I am glad, I didn't want to push you into anything that you didn't feel ready for, but would it still be alright if we slept together, I am so sick of feeling lonely?"

"Yeah, Dean it will feel good to actually feel loved again, and have some feeling of self worth."


	2. Being Found Out

Chapter 2: Being Found Out

The Next Morning

"_Dean, please don't leave me, I can't live without you."_

"_Sam, you are such a sick freak, this is called incest, it is fucking wrong and illegal and morally wrong"_

"_But it feels so right"_

"_But it isn't, maybe I should have just let you bleed out last night, then I would have been rid of you and your sick obsession"_

"_Dean, you don't really mean that do you?"_

"_Of course I do, Sam, why would I lie to you?"_

"_You really hate me then don't you, maybe I should just go and kill myself then, would that make you happy then?"_

"Sammy, you need to wake up now, I need you" Dean said in between sobbing

"_Dean???, why do you care now?"_

Just then Sam was shook violently

"Sammy, I love you, please wake up I can't live without you"

"Dean?, I just had such a bad dream." Sam said in between the sobs

"What was it about Sammy, I thought that I had lost you, when you said that you were going to kill yourself."

"You said that I would be better off killing myself, and that what we had was wrong, and also that you should have just left me in the shower to die instead of saving me, and that you wanted to be rid of me." Sam's sobbing intensified

Dean just sat their mortified at what his brother had said "God Sam, I could never let you go, if you left me I would just be an empty shell"

"Dean, I need you to prove that you love me, please."

"Sam, I don't want to do this because of your insecurities, and just to feel me, I want our first time to be special and memorable, and how about we talk about it tonight?"

"Okay Dean, you're right, our first time should be memorable."

"Lets go back to sleep again"

"Can you hold me Dean?, I need you."

"Okay Sammy"

Later That Morning

Sam woke up alone in the bed

"Dean?" Sam asked questionably

"Dean, I need you to come back please." Sam started sobbing

At that moment Dean came back into the room to find his baby brother, lover and best friend sobbing into his knees.

"Sammy, Sam what's wrong." Dean asked getting more concerned by the minute

"I thought that you had left me, after the dream that I had last night." Sam replied his sobbing started to die down

"I shouldn't have left after that dream, should have I" Dean replied sounding downcast

"It's alright Dean, it wasn't your fault I just over reacted" Sam said calmly

"I should have told you that I was going for breakfast, but now it's no good."

"Why not, what is wrong with it"

"It got all smushed during the fiasco that just happened."

"I'm so sorry big brother." Sam said seductively

"It is alright Sammy, now I need to go out for a couple of hours to organise something, but maybe later Sammy." Dean replied almost as seductively

"Why? Where are you going"

"It is a surprise."

"Aw doesn't little Deanie wanna tell Sammy bout it."

"No, but I think you will really like it, and does anything about me look small, and don't call me Deanie Sam."

"Okay Dean, you are most definitely not small down there."

"See you later Sammy."

"Yeah, see you Dean."

'Sam will absolutely love what I have planned for him, but I don't know where to take him for tea tonight, but where ever I choose to make our reservations it should be a magical evening.' Dean thought

'I really do wonder what my little Dean has got planned for me tonight, but I hope that it is going to be worth the wait, and I think that we really need to take it to the next level, because Dad comes home tomorrow.'

Dean, Later that Afternoon

"Hi, I was just wondering if you had any reservations left for dinner tonight around 5:45?" Dean inquired

"You, sir are in luck, we have one reservation left, would you like to book it?"

"Yes, thanks, the names Winchester."

"How many for the table?"

"Only two."

"Okay, thanks Mr. Winchester, we will see you at 5:45 tonight."

Back at the room

"Dean, you're back."

"Yeah Sammy, what did you do while I was away?"

"Not much, had a shower, had a little breakfast that is about it."

"I don't suppose that you would mind if I checked if there are any extra scars on your body? Would you Sammy"

"Don't you trust me Dean?"

"No it is not that at all, it is just that I know from personal experience that it is a hard habit to break."

"You used to cut yourself? When?"

"Yes, just after you left for Stanford, but I was able to break the cycle."

"Yeah, you can check, Dean."

"I am proud of you Sammy, you were able to break the habit, now I need you to be dressed in some decent clothes at 5:15 tonight, and I have a surprise for you?"

"What is it?"

"That is why it is called a surprise Sammy."

Later that afternoon

While Sam and Dean were getting ready for Dean's special surprise, going out to a restaurant, once they were both ready they made their way out towards the impala.

Outside the restaurant

"OMG, Dean how did you pay for this? Wait you did actually pay for this didn't you, you didn't use one of our fake credit cards, did you?"

"I have had money saved up for ages, Sammy, just waiting for the moment to spend it and the right person to spend it on, and that special person is you, Sammy."

"Oh, Dean that is the most romantic thing that anyone has ever said to me, thank you."

During the meal

"Sammy, did you actually think that I couldn't do romantic?"

"You know what Dean, I didn't think that you were ever possible for you to show so much emotion."

"Sammy, you are the first and probably the only person that I will ever do this for."

"Dean, sometimes I wish that you were not my brother, especially over the last couple of days."

"Why? Did I do something wrong, Sammy?" Dean asked sounding increasingly concerned

"No, Dean you are just perfect, but if we were not brothers, then this would not be illegal and immoral in just about every part of the world, and we could be open about our affections, to those people who care about us the most." Sam replied, in a calming voice while rubbing Dean's back soothingly

"I suppose that you have a point Sammy, it is going to be hard not being able to be open about our feelings for each other."

"But under no circumstances will that ever change how I feel about you, do you understand that Dean?"

"Yeah, of course I do Sammy, and it is mutual too you know."

"Okay Dean, but maybe we should continue this discussion back at the room, so that we don't draw too much attention to ourselves."

"You're right."

Later that Night (Back at the Motel Room)

"Dean?"

"Yeah Sammy?"

"Do you feel ready to take our relationship to the next level, especially considering that Dad is due back tomorrow afternoon?"

"I am ready, Sam are you?"

"As ready as I will ever be"

"How do you want to do this Sammy, what style?"

"I need to see your face while you are buried inside me, extracting moans, and releasing your seed deep inside my ass, Dean."

"Okay, now I need to thoroughly prepare you, because my dick is by no standards small."

With that being said, they both started to strip each other of their offending garments, in a matter of thirty seconds they were both naked for the whole world to see..

"Okay now Sam, are you ready for this to start, now this will hurt to start with, but in the end it will be worth it, I promise you that Sammy."

With that being said, Dean lubed up three of his fingers, and put the first one into Sam's opening, Sam winced in pain when his first finger breached his ass.

"Ssh Sammy, it will all be worth it soon." Dean soothed

"De, you can put another one in now, the pain has almost gone."

Dean then had two fingers inside Sam and Sam started to wince in pain again, but just then Dean found that spot inside him that made him relax

"God, De do that again."

Dean kept on probing Sam, when he felt that Sam was relaxed enough to take the third finger, and soon enough Sam was moaning

"De, stop mucking around and just give it to me NOW" Sam moaned, the last part as a yell as Dean hit his prostate

Dean then took out his fingers and put a lot of lube on his now hard as rock cock

"Sam are you sure that you still want to do this, it will hurt like a bitch." Dean asked

"Yeah, big brother, I want you to make me yours forever."

Dean then kissed Sam passionately and at that moment he slowly pushed into Sam until he was buried all the way to the hilt, once he was fully seated inside Sam, he broke the kiss

"De, it hurts so much"

"It's alright Sam, soon you will get used to it."

In another couple of minutes the pain was nothing but a dull ache

"De, you can start to move now."

Dean pulled out most of the way out of Sam and slammed back into him with full force, when Dean slammed back in he hit Sam's prostate.

"Dean, oh god, hit that again" Sam moaned out half in pleasure, half in pain

Dean kept hitting Sam's prostate relentlessly, for another couple of minutes, then suddenly stopped

"Sam, it this what you really want? For me to mark you as mine?"

"Yes Dean, I want you to make me yours forever"

Once Sam said that Dean moved down to his collarbone and bit down hard, leaving a mark there, Sam yelled "Dean, What the fuck do you think that you are doing?"

"What you asked, marking you as mine."

"Whatever man that huuuurrrrrrrrrrrrt." Sam moaned the last part out as Dean started to move inside him again

"You close to coming baby brother"

"Yeah, De are you?"

"Yeah, lets come together"

After another couple of thrusts Sam cam.

"DEAN, OH GOD" Sam moaned out

His seed spilling all over his and Dean's stomachs, and that causing his hole to become incredibly tight, causing Dean to come instantly

"SAMMMMMMY" Dean moaned out not three seconds later.

Both exhausted from the events that had taken place that night, Dean was just about to pull out when someone walked into the room

"Dean?? Sam?" John asked getting more confused by the scene infront of him

"Dad" Sam and Dean said in unison, both feeling mortified, shocked and fearful for their lives

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING!" John roared out.

Both Sam and Dean sat there not knowing what to say or do about their father.


	3. John's Reaction

Chapter 3: John's Reaction

'God, what have we done?' Sam thought

'God, Dad is going to kill me after this' Dean thought

"Is either of you going to give me an answer to WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON?" John Roared

Sam and Dean just looked at each other in the eye and Dean pulled out of Sam, and Sam winced

"What are you doing Dean!?" John Asked

"Making Sam more comfortable, Dad."

"Well you both better start talking or god help me."

"Dad, me and Sam... We are in love with each other, and we have been for years, but we both only just recognised and acknowledged these feelings recently."

Sam looked at Dean, pleading with him not to tell their father what happened, but Dean's look said it all that he would not tell him

"How the hell can you have feelings for your brother, YOUR BROTHER! For Christ sake."

"Not just feeling, but I love him and there is absolutely no way that I can live without him."

"Who started it?"

At this they both looked at each other

"Well both of us really"

"Who actually made the first move then?"

"Me, I was the one who started this, if anyone is to blame then it is me." Sam said

"Once again Sam, you have single-handedly destroyed this family yet again."

At this Sam started sobbing uncontrollably

"Sam get the Fuck out of our lives, I never want to see you again"

"I knew that you never loved me, maybe I would be better off leaving"

At this Dean spoke up

"Sam, if you think that you are going to leave me again, then you can think again" Dean replied

"But Dean, you would be better off without me." Sam said sobbing

"Sam's right Dean, you would be better off without him."

"If there is someone that I don't need it is you Dad, I love Sam with all of my being and if you cannot accept it, then leave now and don't bother coming back."

With that being said Dean passionately kissed Sam with all of the love and passion in his being

"God Dean, Sam this is wrong, illegal, immoral and on top of that FUCKING discusting"

"Sammy, since Dad hates us, what do you reckon that we should just pack up our stuff and leave now?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me, considering you are the only family that I have left."

"Your right Sam, I have no sons, your mother would be rolling in her grave if she could see this?"

Sam and Dean packed up all of their possessions and left 20 minutes later in the Impala.

They stopped at the next hotel that they saw, and they both were sobbing uncontrollably at the harsh words that their father had used towards them

"Dean, what are we going to do now that Dad knows, he will surely tell all of the hunting community, it will not be safe for us to hunt anymore."

"I have an idea."

"What is that Dean?"

"We could legally change our names, what do you think about that Sam"

"It sounds like a good idea, but how about for now we just take a trip around the US for a couple of weeks."

"A break, Sammy sounds good to me."

The Next Morning

"_God Sam, you are a sick fucking bastard, how could fuck your brother!"_

"_We didn't fuck DAD, we made love" Sam said matter-of-factly_

"_How the hell could you call that making love, for one you are both fucking faggots, and two your brothers."_

"_It doesn't matter that we are brothers!" Sam all but screamed back at his once father_

"_There is a word for stuff like this fucking incest."_

"_So what it doesn't matter who you love, as long as you love them with all of your heart and soul, that is all that matters in love, whether it is illegal or not."_

_With that John completely lost it and started to bash the crap out of Sam_

"_Dad, please stop!" Sam was pleading and crying_

"_Don't call me that, I am not your father anymore, and I will keep on beating you, until I feel the need to stop you fucking faggot."_

With that Sam was violently shook by Dean, who was getting exceptionally emotional at the sight that was in front of him, once Sam woke up he violently pushed Dean away, thinking that it was his father because of the effects of his dream.

Once Sam came to his senses he had a very distraught look in his eye, and just ran to the bathroom, locked the door and slid down in the bath and started sobbing uncontrollably

'What the hell was Sam dreaming about?' Dean thought

Then he started to make his way towards the bathroom but quickened his pace when he heard his own baby brother, lover and best friend crying his heart out.

"Sammy" Dean said banging on the door, and trying to open the door but found out it was locked.

"Sammy? Please open the door." Dean asked sounding desperately.

"No, Dean I do not deserve to have you in my life, please leave now." Sam said but barely able to finish the sentence due to his excessive sobbing.

"Sammy, open up this door right now, or I will break it down, we need to talk about this." Dean replied now his sobbing just as bad as Sam's due to the fact that his brother was just about telling him to leave forever

"Dean... okay I will open the door." Sam said sounding downcast

"Sammy, please talk to me, let me help you." Dean pleaded

"Dean, it was Dad."

"What about Dad?" Dean asked sounding concerned

"He said that we were sick, twisted and he started to hit me, and I could not stop him, I felt so helpless."

Once this was said Sam could not help but break down crying in his brother's arms

"Ssh Sammy, everything will be okay, I will not leave you, it will be you and me forever."

"But Dean, I don't deserve you, you should hate me."

"Sammy, you may not think that you deserve me, but without you my life has no meaning."

"I don't deserve you, but I do need you, I couldn't live without you either."

They stayed huddled together until they both fell asleep in the bathroom

Later that morning when Sam woke up, stiff and sore

'Why am I so sore? And why am I in Dean's arms?'

That was when Sam remembered what happened.

'OMG, I told him to leave, how could I do that? But he didn't listen to me, thank god.'

Sam was starting to cry again

"Sammy, what is wrong?" Dean asked sounding worried

'Dean?" Sam asked

"Sammy, why are you crying, did you have a dream?"

"No, I remembered last night, when I told you to leave me, but you never listened to me, and you stayed with me."

"Oh, Sammy, I could never leave you, and if you left me I would look for you again till I found you."

"Dean that is the most romantic thing that anyone has ever said to me."

"Really? I don't really believe you."

"Why?"

"Sam, you have been in many meaningful relationships, they must have done something for you."

"Something, but nothing as romantic as you."

"Well Sammy, you are the best thing that has happened to me to this very day."

"Sammy?"

"Yeah, Dean"

"Do you remember back years ago when I was about 16"

"What in particular?"

"When you became really closed up, and reclusive, and I felt that you just wanted me to leave you forever."

"Yeah I remember it, why?"

"Do you want to tell me what happened to you?"

"Not really it is a hard subject for me to breach"

"Why? What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

"Yes Dean, someone did hurt me, but I never told you so that you would not try to kill them"

"Who, who hurt you Sammy?" Dean asked sounding dangerously close to tears


	4. Sammy's Secret

Chapter 4: Sammy's Secret

"Dean, it is not as simple as you think"

"Yes Sammy, it is. Someone hurt you, and you didn't trust me enough to tell me." Dean said struggling to keep his anger under control

"Do you really think that I don't trust you, after everything that I told you."

"Sometimes I really do wonder."

"If that is how you feel" Sam said and started crying

"Sammy, I am so sorry, I don't know what come over me" Dean said when he noticed Sammy's tears

"Dean just leave, I need some time to think."

"Sam, don't do this"

"Dean, I need a couple of hours to think, how about you rent out another room for the night"

"If you think that is what you need I will do it for you"

"Thanks Dean, I love you"

"Yeah Sammy, I love you too"

The Next Morning

Sam woke up bright and early

'Dean really needs an explanation for what happened all those years ago'

Sam started crying when he remembered all of the abuse that was dished out by 'him'.

Dean burst through the door when he heard Sammy crying

"Ssh Sammy, everything is going to be okay" Dean kept whispering calming words into Sammy's ear, and eventually Sam stopped crying

"Sam do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I relived the torment that I was put through by 'him'"

"When did it start Sammy?"

"It started back when I was sixteen and went on until I was eighteen."

"What? It went on for two years? And I didn't notice anything?"

"No Dean, I made sure that none of the beatings and other things never happened in front of you, and that you never saw even one of the injuries that was caused by him, sorry Dean"

"Hey Sammy, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Why wouldn't I be, I am a sick twisted fuck, you would just be better off without me, I will just leave now."

"Sammy, you need to stay with me, I want to make sure that you are safe."

"Thanks Dean, I really needed that."

"Now Sam you need to tell me what happened back when you were sixteen."

"Okay I suppose that I will start with how he found out."

_Flashback_

_Dear Diary, I don't know how I am going to go on if anything ever happens to Dean, he is my life and my reason that I get up every morning. But I don't know what this is that I am feeling I cannot place it. I don't even know if he knows that I am gay, but if he ever found that out then he would absolutely hate me, despise me and disown me. I don't think that I could live with that, if he left me I would just die on the inside, he is the one who was always there for me when I was growing up, but this is one thing that he can never find out, I cannot risk the chance that he could leave me. I can only imagine what dad would think if he ever found out, he would just find that as another reason to be disappointed in me, he would probably kill me, not that either him or Dean would even care of they found out my secret, it would be a burden off of their shoulders. Well I had better finish my entry now someone is coming._

_End Flashback_

"Oh my god, Sammy, did you really think that we would never even care if you left me, god I really wish that you could have come to me for help Sammy god I love you."

"How was I supposed to come to you Dean? You always acted so macho, and I didn't think that you would really be able having a queer freak for a brother."

"I know that was how I acted but I didn't want you to be ashamed having a gay brother either, god we were both such idiots."

"Dean, believe it or not this is not even close to the underlying factors that have caused me to break down and cry, do you feel ready for this knowledge."

"As ready as I am ever going to be Sammy."

"Okay let's continue."

_Flashback_

_Dear Diary, I finally worked out what the thing that I feel for Dean, it is love, but not the love that you are supposed to feel for your brother, this is wrong on so many levels, if he or dad for that matter ever find out about this I will be as good as dead, but I would deserve any punishment that they could dish out, for feeling this way towards Dean, but I just cannot help this anymore, I can't even be in the same room as him without having all of these dirty fantasies of him on top of me doing all types of things to me, but I know that that would never happen, the only way that this could get any worse would be if someone read my diary and read all of my personal thoughts, especially about Dean, the one person that I can never have. I am a fucking sick and twisted freak and I deserve to die, maybe I should just kill myself and save Dean and dad the trouble of having to look after me or having to kill me myself. But I can't take the chance that either he would feel guilty because of the choices that I have made, I just really hope that he hasn't noticed that I have started to become reclusive I really don't know how long I can keep it a secret if he asks me about it. My life really sucks._

_End Flashback_

"Sam how could you feel that way, and I did notice that you started to avoid me, but I thought that if you really wanted me to know that you would tell me."

"Dean, I was just about to tell you, that night before I went to Stanford, but after I told you that I was leaving, you looked really betrayed and I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I'm sorry"

"It doesn't matter now anyway, just make sure that if you have a problem in the future that you come to me for help."

"Okay, thanks Dean."

"Sam that still doesn't answer the question of who hurt you?"

"Okay, Dean if you think that you are ready then I will continue. But I must warn you that it gets really graphic now."

"Yes Sammy, I am sure."

_Flashback_

_It was just a normal day for Sam, he was just on his way home from school, but little did he know that the events that would transpire today would change his life forever._

_Once Sam walked in through the door to the motel room, he found that his diary was on the table and was open._

_His first thoughts were 'Oh Shit, Dean has found my diary and has found out about my dirty little secret.' But he found that there was nobody home._

_Later that night his father came through the door and just started yelling abuse at Sam._

"_Do you know what you are, you filthy little faggot" John said_

'_Fuck' Sam thought_

"_Answer me you little fairy"_

"_What do you want to hear"_

"_That this is not true, how can I be a father to a fucking poofter."_

"_How can I say something that is not the truth, do you really hate me this much, you don't deserve to be a father."_

"_Me not deserving to be a father, it is better than how you have turned out, god Sam how did you expect me to react to this."_

"_This is actually better than what I was expecting"_

"_I don't wanna know what is going on in that sick and twisted mind of yours, just stay the hell away from Dean."_

"_What do you mean?" Asked Sam, scared that his dad knew about his attraction to his brother_

"_I mean that I don't want two fucking gay sons, 1 is bad enough."_

"_You are a selfish fucking pig, would you really care that much if both of us were g.."_

_But Sam was silenced when John just started attacking him, his beatings were relentless_

"_I swear if you ever tell anyone about this I will make you wish that you were never born, you are not my son anymore Sam."_

_End Flashback_

"When did all of this start to happen Sammy?" Asked Dean, on the verge of tears wondering how he could not have noticed

"Dean as I said it started just after I turned sixteen, but I was just so lucky that he never finished reading through my diary that day anyway." Sam said nearly crying himself

"Why? Sammy, what happened when he read about what you felt for me?"

"Dean, you really don't want to know."

"Yes, Sam I think that you need to tell me so that you can really start to get passed this and really move on with your life."

"Are you ready to share this Sam?" Dean asked concerned

"No not really, but you're right I need to get this out. Okay here goes."

_Flashback_

_One week later after John found out that Sam was gay, Sam was spending as much time with Dean as humanly possible, whenever he was left on his own with his father he got beaten up pretty badly but nothing as bad as what was about to happen later that night_

"_Dean, please don't go, I really need you"_

"_Sam, I am only going out on the hunt overnight, what's the worst that could happen to you?"_

"_Dean, I really am sorry, but I can't tell you anything, but I just really need you, please." Sam pleaded with Dean, but he would not give in to his little brother_

"_Sam, would you stop being so clingy, god damn you are really annoying sometimes." Dean said angrily_

_Sam who took this as rejection just left Dean alone and went into the toilet and refused to come out_

"_Hey, Sam come on out man." Dean pleaded_

"_Why would you care anyway Dean"_

"_Come on Sam, you are acting really childish"_

"_Well now I am sorry, just go on your hunt and leave me alone."_

"_Okay Sam if it is what you really want."_

"_It is, so just go" Please stay Sam pleaded in his mind, I need you_

_He heard the door slam shut and the car start up, which meant that he was all alone when his father come home, he really didn't know how much longer he could do this_

_Sam came out of the bathroom and came face to face with his father_

"_Sam, what was all of this yelling about?"_

"_Nothing sir"_

"_I sure hope not, and I finally read the rest of your diary, and I found out another one of your secrets"_

'_Oh god, now I am dead' Sam thought_

"_I have a different punishment for you tonight Sam, I think that you will really enjoy it."_

"_What have you got planned sir?" Sam asked hoping to god that his father would not take what little innocence that he had left_

"_All will be revealed in due time Sam, but for the moment I think that it is time that you went to bed"_

'_This is really weird, not that I am complaining but I am really scared' thought Sam_

_Later that night_

_Sam woke up and found that all of him limbs were tied to the frame of the bed and that he had a gag in his mouth and a blindfold on_

'_Oh no' Sam thought_

"_Aha, so you finally decided to wake up did you Sam?"_

"_Oh wait you can't talk can you" John said and it sounded like he was smirking_

"_I suppose that it is time for your surprise then isn't it."_

_Once John said that Sam felt something poke at the entrance to his behind_

'_FUCK, he is going to rape me.' thought Sam_

_Flashback End_

"Dean, please don't make me finish that, please if you love me." Sam said crying

"Ssh Sammy, everything is okay now."

"No it's not, now you think that I am dirty damaged goods, and you will never want to see me again." Sam said and his crying intensified

"Sam, that is not true, you could not help what John did to you, if only I had listened this may have been avoided."

"No Dean, it would have happened eventually anyway."

"I am so sorry Sam for not believing you that day, and I still do love you."

"Really?" Sam said surprised

But before he had a chance to respond there was a someone knocking at the door and Dean went to answer the door.

"Dean, don't please can't we just ignore them?"

"No Sam."

Dean opened the door and he saw.


	5. Sammy's Surprise for Dean

Dean just stood there stunned at the person who was standing at their door, but was shaken out of his superior when Sam said

"Dean? Who is it?" Sam asked sounding worried

"Sam, everything's okay, it's only Bobby."

"Sam, Dean you got ya selves into a little bit of a pickle I hear from a very reliable source" Bobby said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice

Dean took a defensive stance over Sam.

"Dean, its okay I already know about you and Sam, and I am guessing that you have already been yelled at once but your father. I mean you no harm, because nothing I say or do will break the bond you two share." Bobby said

Dean took a step away from Sam, but Sam took this opportunity to ask. "Bobby, who told you about me and Dean?" Sam asked hesitantly

"Missouri" He answered simply

"Did she tell you anything else?" This time it was Dean who was asking the question

"Well she told me about 'Sam's episode' that happened a few days ago, then she told me what John's reaction to the news would be, at that point I started to head towards where she told me you guys would be today. She also told me what happened to Sam when he was 16" With this last bit of information Sam turned deathly pale and fainted

"Sammy. Oh god not again" Dean said extremely worried

"Don't worry about him Dean, he's gonna be okay, just lay him on the bed. There is something really important I have to tell you"

"What?" Dean asked after putting Sam into bed

"Well when your father found out about you and Sam, he well lost his last piece of sanity, either you will have to keep running from him for the rest of his life, or you will have to kill your own father Dean. Now this is a decision that you and Sam need to make together, I will be here to help you when you need it. I will always be close by, let me know" with that Bobby walked out of the motel room and left a stunned Dean.

The Next morning

"Dean? What happened?" Sam asked curiously

Dean who hadn't gotten any sleep the night before

"Sammy, there is something that Bobby told me after you fainted that you really need to hear." Dean said exasperatedly

"What?" Sam asked worried

"Well Sam long story short, " Dean said in one quick breath

"What?" Sam asked because he thought that he was hearing things

"Dad is trying to track us down to kill us. But Bobby said that he would help us if we needed it."

"Dad is trying to kill us. Just because we are" Sam never got to finish his sentence because he was enveloped in a hug by Dean

"Ssh Sammy, everything is gonna be okay, I will never let him get to you no matter what, even if that means that I have to kill him" Dean reassured Sam

"Dean can you really do it, can you really kill dad?"

"Sam, I would kill myself for you" Dean replied honestly

"But if you die dean what reason would i have to live anymore." With that Sam started to cry at the thought of not having Dean in his life

"Sammy calm down, I'm not going anywhere if I have any say in it" Dean said strongly

"Dean, we really need to do something about John, we need to get him before he gets us"

"Yeah I know, but what?"

"We need to kill him; we need to do it now and fast"

"I just don't know if I can Sammy. That's a lot to ask from me." Dean said sounding anxious

"Dean, I'm not asking you as my brother, I am asking you as my lover." Sam stated

"Sammy..." Dean said pitifully

"Dean please. You need to pick it's either me or dad. I really hate to see you in turmoil, but it's a decision that you and you alone have to make." Sam said sounding incredibly bleak

"Sam you should already know the answer to that question. You are stuck with me forever, nothing you can say or do can get rid of me now"

"Thanks Dean, now we really should get a good night's sleep, before we head to Bobby's tomorrow. Dean I love you"

"I love you too Sammy."

Two months later

Dean woke up the next morning and found his Sammy bent over the toilet puking his guts up

"Sammy? Is there something wrong?" Dean asked concerned

"No Dean"" Sam said shaking

Dean carefully guided Sam back to their bed

"Sam, what the heck is wrong with you? You need to cut the bull and tell me now." Dean said getting seriously pissed off

"Dean please don't make me tell you what I think is wrong with me, I'm just a freak" Sam said breaking down

"Ssh Sam, everything's gonna be okay, I will always stand by you no matter what." Dean said trying to console Sam

"Dean how the hell is everything gonna be okay. Our lives are totally screwed up, how we are supposed to bring a child into this world."

"A WHAT?" Dean asked sounding dangerously close to blowing up at Sam

"A child Dean, I'm pregnant" Sam said sounding like a small little kid

"Sam, I just can't deal with this right now. I am going out" Dean replied and left

"Dean, please don't leave me. I can't handle this on my own anymore." Sam sobbed

Start Dream

"_Sam, how the hell could you accept for me to believe that you are pregnant. This is freaky even for us. You didn't really expect for me to still love you did you?" Dean asked maliciously_

"_I was hoping that you would always be there for me." Sam whispered_

"_Why the fucking hell would I want to have a bloody child with my brother nonetheless. The only thing that is freakier than you is that abomination of a child." Dean said laughing_

_Sam just started to cry when something in his room awoke him_

End Dream

Sam out of the corner of his eye noticed someone else was with him in his room. He saw Dean

"Dean, is that you" Sam called out

"Yes Sam it's me" Dean replied

"Why did you run off like that?"

"I was scared. I mean look at us, we are brothers and we are having a baby. How much more freaky can you get, but not freaky in a bad way in a good way." Dean quickly finished seeing the look in Sam's eyes at the mention of the word freaky

"Look Dean, I am just gonna cut right to the chase. Do you or do you not want to stay with me and raise this baby as our own." Sam demanded an answer

"Sam I do, I really do. But how goog of a father do you really think that I can be? I am a complete screw up, I can't even get a decent paying job to support myself let alone my family" Dean confessed

"Look Dean, you practically raised me as a kid. Look at how I turned out, was I really that bad? Please this isn't something that I can do alone" Sam asked desperately

"Sam. I really don't think that I can do this, me being a father. But if you think that I can do it then I will try my damned hardest to please you."Dean replied lovingly

"Dean I love you" Sam said

"Love you too Sammy"

The End

Sequel coming soon dealing with the issue of having a kid, the John issue and some others


End file.
